So I’m scared.

For background information, I have suffered from migraines since I was 15. I have gotten to know all the signs. The aura, sudden loss of sleep (anyone who knows me will tell you that I love my sleep. I get bored for 5 minutes and it’s goodnight/day from me), loss of appetite, death of my taste buds, there is a whole wave of warning signs that come before the attacks.

Now the warning signs are already there, I’m just waiting for the attack. Guess you could equate it to an ancient village somewhere in Maasailand seeing strangers scouting out their lifestock and grazing patterns. They best be sure they would be attacked soon. Ignore the signs and soon you find yourself pillaged as wave after wave of soldiers helped themselves to every element of your sanity. If none of this makes sense I’m sorry, I’m just rumbling on and on. As I said before, I’m scared.

Every time I get on of these attacks there is a reason. Either I am constantly worried about something or there is a confrontation I’ve been avoiding and I am afraid that I can’t avoid it any longer.

I don’t deal well with frustration. Pressure I can handle. Like a well designed container, I can handle as much pressure as you can dish out so bring it on. I work my butt off in any project I get and at times it affects my relationships but its a flaw I have learnt to live with.

If I have to lose someone because I am too focused in my work then let it be. I’m never going to let anyone get in the way of me and my success. Yes, I said it. MY SUCCESS.

As I said in the beginning, I’m afraid. All the signs are there, the aura s present, my appetite is shot and I just wanna be alone most times. Monday saw me in tears as the first wave came. The people that have been there during my migraine attacks know why I’m scared. I really don’t know if I can deal with the blackouts and everything else that comes with the territory. The thing I am most concerned about is the bills. The drugs are hella expensive and in my current state of finance siwes make it.

I need to nip this in the bud before it fully blows. Its 3am in the morning and here I am writing rather than being blissfully asleep.



One response to “Shivers

  1. Kevin….uve been through this u can pullthrough again n get back to success with the cause of these migraine first…

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